De Briefest Day So Far..

Following the testing process we were debriefed by the instructors.

It seems as though, as a class, we have performed quite well in the tests, slightly above average..!

Some of the mistakes that I had made in the tests were outrageous and were quite laughable; it really is weird at what one can do when under pressure and under time restraints.

Acting under immense pressure and time restraints..? Isn't that what pilots do when things start to go terribly wrong..?

It's a good thing that we spent part of the day analysing the effects of stress on performance and the Yerkes-Dodson curve.
At points when 'arousal' reaches a certain point, performance output reaches a maximum(I will leave it to you to add your own jokes about this topic!). The adrenalin secreted during this stage gives a heightened sense of awareness and response.

It is very common in pilots when faced with certain life or death situations to have time appear to slow down..! In these moments instinct kicks in and leads the responses..!

Now for some subconscious learning to ingrain stuff for such a rainy day..

Passed the First Checkpoint..

So, it has been a very busy few days since the tests that transpired on Thursday and Friday. The hard work had paid off; I passed all of the tests with a healthy margin. However, my competitive side was still somewhat disappointed and yearned for those extra percent that I had dropped.

Anyway, with the tests over it was time to unwind and relax. This weekend was one of few where no work could be done, as we are starting new material and the previous stuff was sufficiently learnt.

Non-stop partying all over the country took place over the weekend, reminding myself of 'The World is my playground' way of life to which I have signed up to. It was great to chill out with some old friends and catch up over a drink or two.

I feel injected with a new sense of confidence following the tests and am feeling less inundated by the workload. I am very eager to get back on the track and work through the next load of theory, taking myself closer to the flying part of the course.

Progress..?

Today was the first of the initial progress tests, I had three tests lasting roughly 1.30 mins each. To my surprise they were not as bad as first anticipated; having said that the results are not back and I may have royally ballsed them up. I'll have to keep my fingers crossed..!

Two more tests remain for tomorrow with a big night out to follow to mark the occasion.

I'm conserving my time to focus on revision, so this post is unfortunately a short one. The sheer amount of stuff that I am having to try and remember for the tests however is no laughing matter and this truly goes as a testiment to pilots all over the world..

Two more to go..

The First Hurdle..

Thanks to Bumble for filling in a few day's posts while I have been incommunicado. More from Bumble to come soon.

I have my first set of tests tomorrow on the progress I've been making. The entire class were in a state of anxiety as we were under the impression that Prospective Employers would have accessed to the results. As you can imagine that got alot of us on edge..

Thankfully we have been promised that these tests are for internal use only and will not be seen by Airline HR. What a relief..!

A day of revision was set to take place today given today was issued as a private study day; some time for us to brick it and pray, in the privacy of our own rooms..!

It was just my luck that I got called across the country to tend to something which was absolutely necessary and very very urgent. Out went my plans to revise all day. The day descended into more time spent behind the wheel than behind the textbooks.

I feel quite underprepared for tomorrow, but hey; to be a pilot you have to be flexible and adaptable to change.

I think I've passed that test..

Songs for skylines

A mellow number for those chilled moments. Or when you find that moment of peace as you plunge to your death.

Neutral Milk Hotel - In the aeroplane over the sea

Bumble - A lay view of those things in the sky

Less class, more cattle

Airbus A380s bring a new meaning to 'cattle class'. But they do have their upsides.

As a socially conscious individual with a carbon footprint the size of a small African state, I'm already preparing responses as to why I'm flying to Copenhagen for the UN Climate Change Summit (twice) next month....

'It's fine, I'm off-setting.' / 'The talks are about governments, not individuals.' / 'Yes, I flew. Ironic, huh.' / 'Hypocritical, me? What's two flights to Bangladesh?'

....Obviously, the first one is a lie.

But the good news is that, as the Telegraph reports:

"With 840 passengers on board ... the plane would use two litres of fuel per passenger per 100 kilometres, about half that of a Toyota Prius hybrid car with just the driver inside."

So flying economy is no longer only restricted to those who can't splash £1,000 per trip but also the environmentally aware. Cue: "Of course, I normally fly business darling, but I'm watching the old footprint." And perhaps smug executives from smug companies will start having to travel A380 as part of the business' corporate social responsibility.

But I've always been happy in economy anyway. I've never enough energy to watch more than one film and when glass of wine gets you tipsy at high altitude, it's really not painful to pay.

The only time I have flown first class on a long haul, I indulged in too much champagne before take off and too much seafood during the flight only to find myself staring down every toilet bowl in between connecting flights at Madrid airport.

So here's to the Airbus A380.

Songs for skylines

Here's a track normally reserved for trendy east London clubs and snowboarding films. But it works best with a cloudless horizon.

M83 - We own the sky

Introducing Bumble - A lay view of those things in the sky

His master's voice

I like flying. I like aeroplanes. I like sitting by the window and being forced to be still, tune in and zone out. And I even like airports. Love them, actually.

What I don't like is not knowing what's going on.

So when my plane started to bounce and roll last Friday, the normal zen state I adopt in the air evaporated. I do what everyone does, hold the armrests a little tighter and discretely look around, hoping not to give away the internal panic. But panicked I was and quickly thoughts spun into what the last things I said to my nearest and dearest were - would Laura remember the grave I picked out in a cemetery in Colombia? Who take my washing down? Who would pay off my overdraft?

Pilots, you laugh, but these are the thoughts of the passengers you carry everyday. And we look to you for comfort in these times of fear. As the cabin crew run for their own seats and belt in, we passengers are left wondering whether this is just another day in the air, or if this is it.

I was gearing up to ask the man next to me if I could hold his hand (really, I was) - which would have been quite an effort as we bagged the only row with a spare seat in the middle - when the captain came across the intercom.

A soothing, smiling and confident voice came through the cabin. You don't remember the exact words when you think you're about to die, but his voice said "You're safe in my hands".

Captain, I hear you. Loud and clear.

Icing on the Strake

Mr Pilot
- "One area you should avoid flying into in the atmosphere is 'Coffin Corner'; as the name suggests, it is not the best place to be..!"

That's probably a good place to steer clear of. We then moved on to analysing the stall performance of the aricraft in Icing Conditions. Now, "Icing Conditions" are areas where there is a very cold temperature and visible moisture.

Mr Pilot
- "Icing or any other contamination on the wings can be very dangerous. If you are flying into icing conditions then you must always dissengage the Autopilot, do not be a fuckwit and let the plane fly for itself.

Remember Rule No. 1; Fly the Plane..!

You should never rely on the autopilot, only use it when it is absolutely necessary; don't be one of those pilots who uses it all of the time. Think of the autopilot as a servant, it will do exactly as you ask it, but it will not think for itself. if you ask it to do something that it cannot do; it WILL kill you..!

If you are flying the plane you will be able to feel what it is doing and respond to it. You may feel the wings start to roll, if you look at the VSI (Vertical Speed Indicator) you may notice that it is spinning round; at that point you should think 'Shit..!', and put the nose down to recover the aircraft. You must rely on your instincts, this is what you will learn as you become a pilot..!"

Instincts of a pilot, eh..?

It's probably best to keep the ice off the wings and in the Gin & Tonic then..

Respect the Propeller

Have you ever been caught in the arc of a moving propeller..?

Probably not otherwise you wouldn't be reading this post.

Today Mr Pilot was telling us more 'pilot shit' as he calls it. He took a moment to emphasise the importance of respecting the propellers on aircraft. The general rule that he laboured was to avoid the arc of the propeller at all times. It is sometimes very difficult to see the moving prop blades and the noise isn't always obvious on the apron when there is other noise. So many times he has seen students wandering around idle props without a care in the world. Quite "cringy stuff" he said.

Mr Pilot
- "Everytime I see it, it makes me cringe. I once saw a guy go straight through a moving propeller. It was a rainy day and he was taxiing towards the hanger, it was pouring with rain and the guy was just rushing to get indoors. He jumped out of the plane and ran straight through the prop to get into the hanger; I was watching indoors from a distance and thought 'Ouch, that can't be good!'. I looked calmly across at someone in the office and said 'You had better call an ambulance, that chap has just gone through the blades'. It was not a pretty sight; it took 20 minutes for the ambulance to arrive, he was still alive then; but not really [He winced]. Imagine the arc as a madman with a very sharp sword, just waiting for you to put somthing in the way..!"

At this point, we are so far from getting near a plane it isn't really a worry for me, but I'll be sure to remember it closer to the time. The biggest worry facing me at the moment is the upcoming 'progress tests' which are due next week. These are quite a big deal as any prospective employer gets to see the results.

There is alot of work to do till then..

The Rules..

Mr Pilot today introduced us to "The Rules of Flight Club" or at least the first two; he wouldn't let us in on the other rules as he didn't feel we were worthy enough; yet..

Rule No. 1 - Fly the Plane
Rule No.2 - See Rule one (It is really important)

Mr Pilot
- "Now, I know what you're thinking; pretty obvious eh? But you would be surprised at how many pilots forget this simple rule. But this is what you are there for; to fly the plane. Everything else comes afterwards."

I take it he means things such as reading the newspaper and enjoying a coffee at 35,000ft.

Mr Pilot
- "When you are flying the plane there will be lots of distractions. But first and foremost, you concetrate on flying the plane. You will have Air Traffic Control in your ear telling you things, but all of these come after. Even your brain will start to tell you lies, lies which you must ignore (referrring to Somatogyral and Somatogravic effects); if you don't then it will fuck you up..!"

He continued
- "Look at Captain Sully, he flew the plane..! He had ATC constantly telling him all this rubbish, he just ignored it and flew the plane. If ATC are telling you stuff and there is a problem, you worry about flying the plane, they can redirect traffic around you..!"

He then adopted a more sombre tone
- "You may be worried about calling in a MAYDAY if something goes wrong. This will be you admitting to ATC that you are in trouble; but don't worry about ATC. More importantly you will be admitting to yourself, that you are in trouble; this may be a bit more difficult. But it will help, it will be the first step. Then you concentrate on Rule No. 1"

He then led into a story
- "When I was an instructor, I was with a pilot whose door was not closed properly and as we took off and started to climb, the air popped the door open. He panicked and started trying to fiddle with the door. I looked at him stunned and said in a calm, commanding Captain's voice

'Fly the Plane..!'

He instantly stopped faffing around with the door and started flying the plane. We fixed the door once we had reached a few thousand feet."

So, Rule No.1 - Fly the Plane.

The first rule of Flight Club..

Potential Applicants..

The Illusionist was telling us about one of his old students who is now heavily involved with the assessment of cadet applicants.

The Illusionist
- "She wasked why so few of the applicantion forms mentioned anything about the desire to fly. I told her

'It's not about the flying, it's the Wonga [Gestures to his wallet], the house and the lifestyle.'

This is what you lot want."

He then began building the scene in a very aminated fashion.

The Illusionist
- "You're sat there in the cockpit at the gate at Gatwick in the middle of February, it's pouring with rain and you can see the Gingerbeer (Engineer) walking round the plane, absolutely soaked, doing all of the pre-flight checks.

The Gingerbeer unplugs you and signals that you are clear to push back, you give him a supercillious wave as he gives you the salute [He gestures an angry swear].

You taxi round to the runway, throttle forward and you charge down the runway. Being careful as the runway is covered with rain. You reach V1 (The speed of taking off) and you pull back and climb away. You manage to steer the plane through the shit weather that you are leaving behind and climb through the clouds to a whole new world..!

Autopilot on, feet up and coffee is served.

You land in a hot destination. You go to a bar and sit down; you are having a drink and a hot woman walks in, she says hi, you reply, she asks what you do, you say 'Pilot'..

It's not the worst job in the world.."

Bottle to Throttle..

In the past it was considered normal for pilots to drink four pints of beer per evening.

With this being the general level of intoxication of pilots on a daily basis, the Authorities gave a recommendation for the pilots.

"Allow a minimum of eight hours to go from bottle to throttle"

Sounds quite catchy doesn't it..!

The Squadron Leader was quick to amend this with regard to modern drinking habits.

The Squadron Leader
- "That was in the past, whereas now, you will most likely have a few pints of stronger continental beers and lager; what's more you will no doubt chase each of these with a spirit of some sort"

(The Squadron Leader knows a thing or two about drinking)

Quoted from the text book:
- "Aircrew tend to live in a 'drinking culture' with a need to conform and often use alcohol to unwind...".

- "Sleeping actually causes the rate of oxidation to be prolonged...as metabolic rates are slowed during sleep".

As he correctly pointed out, aircrew are generally the gregarious type and will go out and meet in the bar as soon as they have come off duty; before going out and making the most of being out.

The current advice is for 'prudent' pilots to allow 24 hours between drinking and flying. This takes into account the fact that the body processes one unit of alcohol per hour.

So, the lessons of the day are to go out and drink with your crew, have fun, don't sleep and be sure to allow 24 hours between the bottle and the throttle..

Becoming Airmen..

Mr Pilot today had some very wise words for us.

Mr Pilot
- "You men, are not here to be pilots; you should not want to be pilots, you are here to be 'Airmen'! That is what you must aspire to be, not just a pilot. Pilots cause accidents, Airmen prevent accidents."

This was very inspirational stuff and you could see his words resonating within each of us in the classroom. He continued;

- "Before I get on a commercial jet, I listen to the names of the pilots; if I recognise any of the names, I ain't gettin' on..!"

(Mr Pilot is a West-Countryman, so this is how he said it..!)

- "Do any of you know who Bob Hoover is? No?!(with a very surprised look on his face) How about Chuck Yeager?" He then went on listing names of these legnedary Airmen.

- "Well when you get home, google these names and find one which you most aspire to be like. These guys are such great pilots, they could fly the box the planes came in..! You want to be like these guys!"

He was right, I want to be like those guys..

Crew Confessions..

I think I've already linked this site once, but I came across some really funny stuff recently.

Whilst it has been hilarious hearing confessions and stories from the instructors, these ones are also worth a good look. I really can't believe some of these happened; there must have have been some backlash to the airlines concerned..

Crew Confessions

And now begins the forth week..

First Class Snobbery..

Check this story out, it seems to have gotten really mixed opinions from readers..!

The short of it is, a PAX was not allowed to fly First Class because he was wearing a tracksuit and trainers..!!

PAX Barred from Flying First Class

Personally I think that "tracksuits and trainers" is a bit much; perhaps something a bit more appropriate such as chinos and a shirt. It depends on whether the dress code was aforementioned on the ticket before boarding to be fair to the airline..

Rules are rules..

Air Crash Investigation..

You may remember the crash of a Boeing 777-236ER on its short final approach to London Heathrow Airport from Beijing back in January 2008. In Mr Pilot's class yesterday, he went through the incident in detail.

To try and improve our airmanship, we were told about the incident and were taken through the details of the crash. He then implored us to read through the accident report in our own time and begin to analyse the chain of events and apply the theory that we had learnt in the hope of coming up with own own thoughts on what we would do in a similar situation.

Obviously, it is impossible to try and imagine oneself in a similar situation where there are great stresses and a limit to the thinking time available. The hope was to try and get us to begin thinking of how the aircraft behaves and to appreciate how it responds to demands of the pilot.

So, I began reading the article today. It's quite scary to think that the entire incident lasted all of 56 seconds between the first fault being identified and the aircraft making its touchdown short of the runway.

A Bit of a Dark Side..

Going back to something we were told to try by The Squadron Leader yesterday; it is quite interesting and is well worth a try. Here's what to do..

About 15 minutes or so before going to bed, close one of your eyes. This should preferrably be your less dominant eye. Then after 15 minutes has passed, keep it closed and turn off the light in the room. After the light is off open the closed eye. One of your eyes will already have adjusted to the dark whilst the other won't have. You should not be able to see anything through one eye for about 15 or so minutes..!!

Traffic..

The Commodore usually starts off the lesson with a joke; today was no exception.

The Commodore
- "Did any of you chaps get stuck in traffic this morning?"

Us
- "No, not really"

The Commodore
- "Well, on the way in this morning I got stuck in a really bad patch of traffic. There was a policeman wandering up and down the line of traffic, so I stopped him and asked him through the window what the hold up was."

Policeman
- "A man at the front of the traffic has stopped his car in the road. He is really bad shape, his wife has just left him, he has nothing left and is really poor. He isthreatening to set himself on fire; we are doing a collection for him."

The Commodore
- "So I asked, 'How much have you got so far?'"

Policeman
- "5 litres..!"

The Commodore is a very straight laced old Ex-RN engineer, with a really conservative sense of humour. His jokes usually only receive feigned laughter out of politeness.

And so ends another week of classes..

A Welcome Evening..

Again today was consumed largely with classes. The Squadron Leader today taught the value of the eyesight to pilots. I also learnt the failings and limitations of this sense.

The Sqaudron Leader, being a man who enjoys his drink, also began to explain the effects of alcohol on vision. This topic soon progressed onto the discussion of pilots losing their licenses to alcohol intoxication. The limit for pilots is very low and very strictly punishable; this also tied in very heavily with medication and the stringency of the industry with regard to drugs tests. It seems that whilst on duty a pilot must only use medication which has been certified and recommended by an AME (Aero Medical Examiner); even hayfever pills have been the cause of disciplinary action..!

At the end of the day however there was a little something to help us unwind; every month as a new class arrives, a 'Welcome Evening' is arranged to welcome the new cadets. All cadets and members of staff are invited for some free food and drinks.

The evening was a very civilised one, with Canapés, wine and a selection of beers and juices; not to mention an array of other finger foods.

It was a great chance to mingle with the Instructors et al, in a more casual social environment. The dress code for the evening was Flight Attire as per usual. All of the usual suspects were there including The Skipper, The Tux and The Squadron Leader..

It turns out that alot of the instructors mentioned are not ex pilots, but were RAF or RN engineers. Regardless, being part of the aviation world at that time, allowed the same debaucherous lifestyles as their airborne commrades..

Apparently it is the best lifestyle ever..

A Very Nervous System..

The squadron Leader was back from a week long break, and we had the pleasure of his instruction for two classes today. He did not waste any time and quickly got back into step from where he had left off, jokes and all.

Although peppered with his unique brand of insightful, lewd jokes, today's classes took a rather serious turn.

The subject of the day was the the Nervous system and its functions. My knowledge of the human anatomy and function is slowly increasing beyond what I had thought necessary for a pilot; we really do learn alot. As well as marvelling at the wonders and intricacies of the human body, we also study the many failings and particularly those which will affect our careers as pilots.

The human balancing system; one which you would think would be extremely useful as a pilot is actually very dangerous and is misleading in the worst possible ways. It has caused many pilots to crash and subsequently die. A skilled pilot has to learn to ignore these instinctive signals given by their body. Very morbid stuff..!

It seems that there are plenty of things which can lead to death in an aircraft, alot of which lies in the hands of the pilots. Much of which is an unhill struggle and requires alot of skill..

It's not all autopilots and newspapers after all..!

Lifted Spirits..

Today was another day of six hours of classes. These kind of days are becoming more and more routine. It is still quite a struggle to take in six textbooks for the day with each weighing roughly one a half kilos each..!

We had a class with Mr Pilot today where we went through some priciples of lift and drag (Pilot Shit). Having seen some videos on the internet about how previous classes have played pranks on him, our class is getting more and more inspired to carry out our own selection of stunts. However, we are not sure whether we (as a class) have earned enough of his respect to go ahead with it..

If you have any prank ideas then please get in touch and I will see if we can make it a reality..

And so we wait..

Laviators..

Today was a fairly uneventful day in the office. I had 5 hours of classes with a comfortable hour of spoon fed teaching via a computer based teaching system.

On a more interesting note while I have been perusing the internet, I came across some very interesting things.

Now, let me ask you if you have ever heard of 'Laviators'; this is something very new of which I have only just found out about. Basically it is the 'next biggest craze in aviation since the Mile High Club' to quote to creative whom credit goes to for this. Her name is Heather Poole, a very savvy flight attendant.

It is, taking funny and creative pictures of oneself in the aircraft lavatory..! Very, very cool..!! Apparently there is quite a cult following.

Ms Poole's blog site has lots of funny stuff such as crew, stories and confessions. It is definitely worth a look and has made the evening's work slightly more bearable, providing the entertainment at every break.

Check it out..

Another Flight Attendant Writing

Another thing which caught my eye, thanks to @jetwhine for this link via Twitter.. These chaps should definitely never commit the act of aviation ever again..!

Be very afraid of this pilot

Right, well on that note, I should get back to my books to make sure I never do anything like that..

Lazy Sundays..

Last night was a fairly average night out in Oxford. I would probably say that the club selection was a poor one. We pre drank at one of the cadet houses and then headed into town. A few more drinks in a pub saw us ready for the night. The 'club' that we chose was awful; it seemed to be filled with the social dregs of Oxford. The music was very monotonous and for that reason we left after a while.

This morning I wasn't feeling nearly as bad as I'd expected to; I was however feeling very tired after only a few hours sleep.

The rest of the day was occupied with a relaxed pace of work, laundry and some socialising with the a few guys from the class..

An early night is in order to ensure I am bright eyed and bushy tailed for the start of the third week; apparently this is where it starts to get very difficult..

Slightly anxious about how the week will turn out..!