Speed Awareness..

Right, The Thames Valley Constabulatory have speed awareness courses held on the same site as my accomodation. Upon entry to the site there are numerous signs directing the 'Speeders' on how to find the building in which the course is held; there is also sufficient explanation in the handouts that they are given.


Despite this every weekend and sometimes during the week we get these people parking in our cark park which is clearly marked "For Accomodation Residents ONLY". As well as this they come and knock on our flats asking whether this is where the "Driving Classes" are being held..!

Our building is Building 41, the sign clearly indicates building 78. I suppose that these people aren't very adept at taking in information from road signs anyway. It is quite amusing when they ask for the "Drivers Classes" and we respond with "You mean, the speed awareness course"; the look of embarrassment and guilt is priceless..!

Anyway, today is halloween and so having slaved with the books for the past week, I think I deserve a treat; a night out in Oxford it is then..!!

Career Progression..

Yesterday was a very unproductive evening of work. I was definitely in need of some down time. The 6 hours of classes and 3 hours of home study was beginning to take its toll on my spirits. It was quite nice to just chill out; something which I have not had the chance to do since the summer holidays.

Well, today was back to the classrooms for a 6 hour slog. The day started with some electrics with the Illusionist. We started to learn cockpit protocols of how to deal with inflight circuit breaks. It turns out that pilots are very good at breaking things on a plane. It's a good thing that there are "Ginger Beers" [Engineers] at the airports.

The Illusionist
- "You as the pilot will break things, and then you tell the Ginger Beer, who will fix it so that you can break it again..! It keeps them in a job"

Nowadays, with so much stuff automated on the flight deck the most common thing recorded on some Cockpit Flight Recorderd is:

- "What the **** is it [the aircraft] doing now..?"

Later in the day, we learnt about emergency procedures for during a cabin depressurisation;

"If the cabin depressurises, make sure you get that oxygen mask on as quick as you can..! Don't worry about the old guy in the left hand seat [The Commanding Pilot]; if he kicks it, there is a good chance of a promotion..!"

It turns out that this is a good way to get promoted..

Lavatory Warnings..

Here were some instructions placed in the Gent's lavatories at the flight school. I thought I'd share it with you..!

The Illusion..

We had a different instructor taking the place of the absent Squadron Leader; let's call him The Illusionist; a (relatively) young, chipper, ex-RAF pilot with a southern eastern accent. He appeared a lot more energetic than the other instructors; probably owing to his age.

He did a few straw pole tests to gauge the thoughts of the class; asking whether we found the work overwhelming and whether we were beginning to feel inundated by it.

The Illusionist
- "Right, well at least now you know that you are all in the shit together! Whereas before you thought it was just you in the shit"

This was somewhat reassuring; however what he said next was one of his more salient points were.

The Illusionist
- "Guys, well don't worry about it. Right now you feel like it is all really difficult, but give it a few weeks and it will pass. You will get into the rhythm and you will start to feel fine about it. A new bunch will join and you will see them and think 'Shit, another bunch of lambs to the slaughter'..!"

He then shared with us his philosophy of "The Illusion of Being a Pilot"..

The Illusionist
- "You come here and you will learn 14,000 useless facts over the course of your time here. You will work bloody hard and you will get to the end. Then, when you have a job as a pilot, that's the illusion. Why do you want to be pilots..? Let's cut the chase; it's so that you can have a fat wallet, a nice house and the first pick of the airhostesses..!"

"So, The Illusion; when you walk through the airport, you walk as slow as you want, the plane isn't going anywhere without you..! You walk like this [Then he strides across the classroom with a cocky sauntered gait]. Children, mothers and everyone else will see you walk past and think 'Wow, that man is really clever, he's a pilot'."

"You never see a pilot with cheap sunglasses, they always have the expensive ones; the Oakleys, the Raybans or the Serengetis. You would never see a pilot with cheap £1.50 sunglasses from Boots. It just doesn't fit the image"

"What we do isn't difficult, the difficult part is here. After that is the fun"..

Flying Through Hoops..

Today was another long day spent entirely in the classroom. The only saving grace was that The Tux dismissed us early for the final lesson of the day.

I've just spent the past few hours doing a sheet of homework set by The Tiger; it seems to have plagued the entire class, with us having spent longer than the allocated 30 mins on it. There is still alot more to do tonight..!

It was iterated today by one of the instructors, Mr Pilot that we will have to spend the next 6 months trawling through an insurmountable level of information and work just to satisfy the JAA.

He is a true pilot, only interested in "The pilot stuff", not other random information which is of no use in the cockpit..! He is a tall, cynical, experienced character with few words and one who does not suffer fools.

With the workload building up, it is all becoming quite real. The levels of stress are already starting to build and at times it feels like an uphill struggle.

At the same time, the stories told by Mr Pilot and the other instructors remind me of what I am working towards. It all seems worth the effort and this slog in groundschool is definately going to be a display of fortitude and character..

The night has only just begun..

What a Drag..

Today, the day seemed quite repetitive, with a number of double lessons during the day. Morale amongst the group seems to be at a low with some reaching saturation point with all of the information that we are trying to take in.

A number of lessons on Principles of Flight seemed to go on for an eternity..!

The highlight of the day ended up being a walkaround of one of the maintenance hangers, in which we got to climb around an aircraft and have a play with the cockpit..!

A few of the planes being operated are from the 1970's..!! Nearly twice as old as I am..!!

The manner of teaching here is completely different to anything I have expereienced in the past; we are very much spoon fed the information that we need to know and exactly how things are done. There is very little in the way of independent thinking. This being said; I am definately acquiring a taste for being spoon fed education..!!

Come strike with me..

Today it emerged that the reason for BA CEO Willie Walsh not staying till the end of the Ball on Saturday was that he was catching a flight to Las Vegas On Sunday to mark to start of the Non-Stop direct service from the UK to the gambling capital of the world.

In his absense however, there seems to be trouble brewing with the Cabin Crew union. They were to ballot the 14,000 cabin crew on whether or not to take strike action.

BA Ballot

It seems as though Cabin Crew have more clout with the airlines than the Flight Crew which seems quite unfair..!

With BA to report another year of Losses, it is clear that there are quite a few things that need ironging out in the airline industry. Hopefully by the time I qualify, all of these problems will have alleviated themselves.

Given the current circumstances, Willie did serve up some very encouraging words to the newly graduated cadets at the ball; although he was not accepting CVs..

Daylight Savings..

Last night's Gala Ball was truly a night to remember. The Champagne reception kicked off the night in style, there were many happy faces of "steely eyed, chisel jawed" cadets who had graduated and were there to celebrate the occasion with their families. It was a nice feeling to think forward to the time when this journey will finish for me.

Everyone was kitted out in their finery, with ladies elegantly dressed and the gent's sporting Tuxes, with a variety of dickies on display. This was definately a night of finesse.

The three course meal served on the evening was truly sumptuous with wine served to perfectly accompany the courses. My table managed to dispatch the customary 4 bottles of wine for the table with respectable speed; with a lack of wine our night did seem to have reached an obstacle. A wink and a smile later I had managed to get some more wine brought to the table by the lovely ladies in Customer Service..!!

As the night proceeded so did the drinking; as dinner finished and the awards were presented by Willie Walsh the bow ties around the room began to be untied with many adopting the classic 'undone bow tie round the neck look'..

The rest of the night flew past and before too long, it was time to finish up. Upon exitting the Marquee there were many veteran airmen still loitering and smoking pipes, sharing stories from their youthful days. A very cliched image if any..!

Much of today was therefore expelling the alcohol from my body. The weekend has been a satisfying one following the advice of The Tiger

The Tiger
- "This weekend, whatever brings you joy, do in excess; however, when you arrive on Monday morning you should be bright eyed and bushy tailed"..

On the Ball..

In the end Friday night didn't turn out as badly as I had thought. It was a great chance to relax and unwind after the week of hard work. I managed to amble through a few chapters of Crime & Punishment, which was a welcome break from the Aviation Books.

Today I woke at a reasonable hour considering I hadn't set an alarm. A slow Saturday morning breakfast and then it was back to the books to get ahead for the weekend. Having done a few hours whilst checking facebook and sending texts, etc; I felt good about the weekend.

An article which seems to have been circulated a great deal amongst my colleagues is the following; give it a read.

Cockpit Politics

It seems as though they got off lightly by only missing the airport by 150nm. During the presentations given yesterday we were told of a Thai Air flight to Kathmandu which crashed due to a number of reasons, of which poor communication between the flight crew and a hightened level of tension was a contributing factor. It is worrying to think of how something like this can cause an accident like this..!!

Seems like political discussion is not one for the cockpit..!

This evening there is the "Annual Student Awards/Graduation Ceremony & Gala Ball" to be held in a giant Marquee at the Airport. It should prove to be a great night with plenty to drink and plenty of people. The guest of Honour is none other than CEO of British Airways, Mr Willie Walsh.


It would be especially amusing if there were challenges amonst us cadets such as pennying Willie's wine glass and make him down his wine.

Right, now for an afternoon of work to offset the debauchery the will follow..

Going Airside..

Today, in the middle of a lesson with the Weatherman, all of a sudden there was a loud repetitive "Whomp Whomp Whomp Whomp..!" the kind only made by a very powerful helicopter. At first I thought nothing of it, although the Weatherman did remark at its noise. The lesson continued as normal and we were dismissed for an early lunch.

During lunch it became clear the source of the noise; Two Army Air Corp Apaches were on the tarmac..!

Without a second thought we all threw on our Hi-Viz vests (as is the airport rule when personnel are airside) over our uniform and strode towards the Beasts..!!


And Beasts they were, two large Apaches on the tarmac; the crowd of Hi-Viz vests surrounding the two choppers was unreal. As we ducked and dove between passing aircraft we made our way to the aircraft. After having a quick chat with the two pilots on one of the helis, we asked if we could jump into the seats. "Sure" he said, very casually. I was itching to get into the Flying Pilot's seat. This was the roomier of the two, I then made my way to the front Gunner's seat; this was alot more cramped and required a fair amount of limbo-ing to get in and out of the cabin.

Following this, I continued my discussion with the pilots about their careers, etc..

We shared a few jokes about the cost of flight training and headed back to ground-side for some school based fun..

It is now Friday evening; the thought of NOT going out is quite depressing, knowing that I have still a few hours of work to do and then more for the rest of the weekend. The only silver lining is the Academy Gala Ball to look forward to tomorrow..

Increasing Pressure..

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Welcome to the Club..

With the third day at flight school over our class seem to be settling in nicely and getting into the swing of things. The instructors are getting more familiar with the class and are the jokes are beginning to reflect this..

One of the subjects being taught by The Squadron Leader is human performance; it contains alot of biological topics about human anatomy and physiology. The Squadron Leader who was quite reserved on the first day has now shown himself to be quite a funny guy. We had already had a number of references to condoms before too long in the lesson as well as a few childish misread of words such as Organism - Orgasm; I know what you're thinking, immature..!

He regaled us with anecdotes; at one point we were discussing the factors affecting heart rate rise, etc. He began talking about one of his sexual exploits with a lady. Before reading this, be aware of the nature of the anecdote and skip over if you think you may be offended.

Squadron Leader -
"When I undressed she said
'Wow, that is the biggest hampton I have seen..! I am young and have a weak heart.'
To which I replied "Ok well, lie on your left side and I'll try and miss it..!!"

At this point the class was in hysterics..!! It seems as though flying school is definately a Boy's Club. And what a club to be a member of..!!

Overweight Bags..

Last night's study time very quickly descended into a cards night. We played cards until about an hour before midnight; a great way to start off the term with not adhering to the 3 hrs of self study per evening..

Today was the first 'actual' day of lessons. It was an even earlier start this morning. When my alarm began to ring, I very much wanted to it was still very dark outside; can this really be a sustainable way to live..?

With all of the necessary books in my flight case we headed to the airport. The flight bag is actually really heavy with the books inside and ferrying it between car and classroom is not pleasant; where are the ground handlers when you need them..!!

The day was quite mixed with some instructors diving straight into the work, whilst others gave brief intros to the subjects. One funny chap was The Tiger; another ex RAF engineer with a good sense of humour.

In one class we were required (as part of the intro) to say why we were motivated to become pilots. There were a few cringy responses of which I won't go into, for the dignity of those involved. One common one which came up by myself and a few others was "The lifestyle".

I have just finished my 3 hours of self study for the night and am planning to retire to bed for an early night; this is definately not the "Lifestyle" I had envisaged..

An Early Start..

Last night was quite sleepless as the thought of the first day in ground school played through.

Regardless the day started at 0600 hrs. I showered, shaved and donned my pilots uniform for the first time. It was a proud moment to look in the mirror and see a future pilot staring back at me. This would be the same character that people would see striding through a terminal in time to come; the look of awe from young aspiring kids and their mothers.

Headhunter and I broke fast and heading inbound to the airport. The first engagement of the day was with The Chief; a portly, retired-RAF with a bellowing voice which instilled confidence and quickly gained favour. He spoke with dilligence and an RP which is ubiquitous amongst the faculty. He reminded us of the great and difficult journey that lay ahead, whilst also reminded us of the innumerable rewards; he managed to maintain smiles throughout with frequent jokes to keep us amused. He remarked rather early on "Ground school is difficult; anybody who enjoys ground school is a pervert!"..

Soon after, our cohort was issued with our reading material for the first six month period. This consisted of 14 textbooks which echoed my thoughts of the difficulties which lie ahead.


Lunch was followed by a particularly dull HSE talk on conduct throughout the airport; with credit due to the brevity used to address this boring formality.

The day was concluded with an introductory talk by the Squadron Leader; a pleasant gent with possibly a drinking problem a stress issues. The Squadron were left in some way confused as the whether this was a joke or not; instinctively I had assumed it to be a joke and began to laugh, but stopped immediately when few chimed in. How disconcerting..!

Right, back to work; as I stare at the huge pile of books on my desk I feel somewhat as though I should make a start and at very the least remove the cellophane wrappers..

Toast of Oxford Town..

This morning was started earlier than the previous; owing to the early night. Breakfast has been fairly limited for the Headhunter and I due to the lack of equipment at our disposal. We have been reduced to cereal and bread. This dire situation did however result in a display of ingenuity.

The Headhunter, being a man of few years my senior was quick to find an alternative. A lack of grilling and toasting facilities were overcome by dry frying bread to form toast. A few attempts later we were enjoying hot toast. Thinking outside the box and being adaptable to adversity; traits perfect for a pilot..!

We decided that we should venture into Oxford to see the sights; and also hopefully bring back some sober memories of the roads travelled in our drunken stupors on Friday night. We drove over to Oxford and soon found out why there is so much emphasis on the Oxford "Park & Ride". It was nigh on impossible to find a parking space. After much searching we parked a way out of town and walked in.

It was quite a sight to see so many Oxfordians soprting their University of Oxford hoodies; either that or gillets. There was a noticeable feeling of pomposity about the town. That is not to say that the town was anything but impressive; I would not have minded going to university in Oxford; having said that I am forever proud of my University.

The past few days have not been the most ideal in terms of nutrition as we are still finding our feet in our new accomodation. We have not really cooked too many meals here, which has meant that we have eaten alot of fast food and in restaurants. Regrettably, today was no expection..

In preparation for my first actual day at flight school I spent some time reading over aviation blogs, news sites and magazines. I did try to read some of the documentation I had been issued on Friday but this seemed too esoteric for my current state of training.

On blog article which did catch my eye was one about pilots on Strike in America. The title of the article was "Pilots on demos look impressive, but can be plain wrong" by Kieran Daly of Flight Global.

Pilots on demos look impressive

With the actual start of flight school tomorrow, I am growing increasingly more and more antsy. I really cannot wait to start tomorrow..

The Morning After..

Today was quite an unproductive day following the debauchery that went down on the streets of Oxford last night.

Here's what happened; to start the night plenty of wine was drunk during the course of dinner followed by a fair amount of whisky. Armed with our new statuses we took a £30 taxi ride into town which was followed by some live music and more alcohol. From this point on a few of us switched to a more refined drink; Gin & Tonic..

We soon found out that the phrase "Don't worry, I'm a pilot!" seemed to work very well in a number of situations.

We bar hopped for some time whilst gauging the general feel of the youthful population of Oxford and where was the best place to go out on a Friday night.

Some clubbing later, after we had expended our money and energy, we decided to head back to the middle of nowhere. As advised by the Skipper during the day's presentation, we got what he called "...getting that obligatory Kebab from the van before making your ways back to hall tonight..."; it would have been rude to not have obliged the first instructions of the Skipper..!

Another £30 taxi ride saw our return to the Army Base.


Now to this morning, a very early phone call awoke me from my unconsciousness. The kicking pain in my head was unbearable. I struggled to think how pilots can live this kind of lifestyle and happily fly the next day..

A number of cups of tea saw my slow recovery. With this being the general feeling amongst the few we decided that the best thing to do would be to spend the day recovering in time for a productive Sunday.

Whilst reading on the handouts we had received, I came across an article which was on particular interest; it was entitled "When is a student not a student? When they're a student pilot" it was written by Lembit Opik MP in the Flight Training News Magazine.

When is a student not a student?

It stirred some very strong feeling regarding the way in which the UK Governement deals with Aviation training and how for the Government categorises Flight Training as both an Educational Course and a Non Educational course to meet their fancies; such that they can charge VAT on training whilst claiming the Cadets should be dealt with in the same way as University Students.

There was also a section within the article relating to the lack of "widening participation" in aviation training. Some very poignant issues were raised and there was also a petition to Number 10 with this regard.

http://www.fairplane.org.uk/

Well, given the lack of sleep and non-stop hectic lifestyle that I have recently adopted with this career; today has been the first of, what the industry calls, "A rest day"..

Cleared for Take Off..

Today was the first day of flight school. The order for the day was quite unknown with very few of our cohort really knowing what to expect today. Last night's drinks session became a good forum for us to air our apprehensions and worrys.

My room doesn't have the best bed in it. It wasn't the worst bed I've slept in this week though. The bed wasn't however the only reason I couldn't sleep properly..! It was hard to sleep properly with the numerous thoughts of the coming day.

The day started with the payment of my first installment of tuition fees. As soon as the payment cleared I got a very empty feeling; this feeling was located somewhere near my wallet with a gaping whole in the order of thousands..! Suddenly the huge investment I was making in my life became very real.

To pacify the grief we were all issued with our standard issue Aircrew uniforms.. We spent some time fitting our uniforms and then were given some time to recoup our thoughts. The uniforms definately brought a smile to the cohort as we began to feel like pilots; or at least cadets. One thing that was mentioned by the Owl, was that we are definately not allowed to go out in town and drinking in our uniforms in the hope of attracting the local ladies..! "Crap!" could be heard murmured around the classroom at the mention of this point.

The afternoon led off with a presentation by the Skipper, where we were introduced to his supporting cast such as the Colonel. This talk definately began to inspire and I remembered why I had taken on this huge life commitment. Never before have I been so eager to pick up my textbooks and start learning..!!

Following this the (working) day ended with the issue of Flight Bags; the sleek bag leather with gold trim was most certainly worth the money.

A debaucherous night out in Oxford is sure to ensue and perfectly cap off the first day at flight school..

Hey Ford..

After a very busy day; I have arrived at my new home; for at least, the next few weeks.

Leaving the big smoke slightly earlier than would have been sensible meant enduring some traffic on the North Circ. After a fairly easy drive over to Kidlington Airport, I collected my keys from the accom office.

After unpacking the car and a farewell lunch with my dad; I was on my own.

Upper Heyford; my new home for the next few weeks.

Now, Upper Heyford isn't a bad place; if you like military bases or prisons. Imagine the scene from 'The Great Escape'. Giant steel watchtowers, barbed wire fences and those weird semi circular huts seemingly covered with grass. The only thing missing is Mr McQueen himself.

I did think of taking a pic to help illustrate my environment, but I'm not exactly sure whether I am allowed to take pictures in here; so here is an artistic impression instead from my trusty Moleskine.


It does seem like I am in the middle of nowhere, I can't imagine there is much going on for us kids here in Upper Heyford. With limited things to do so far; I have started reading Crime and Punishment. I also recently set up my pc and internet which has made things more interesting.

Boredom mixed with excitement isn't the best feeling in the world..

A meet and greet with the other cadets in the local pub was a nice end to the evening.

BRING ON TOMORROW..!

Ready for Departure..

Right, well it is now the night before leaving to start flight school..

I have (almost) finished packing all of my stuff to take to Oxford. As is always the case, as the end approaches the work rate begins to teeter off. Just making sure I haven't forgotten anything too crucial; like my Aviators..!

I have just had the last family meal I will be having for sometime. A great hearty meal..! Back to the life of student cooking, I guess..

I'm filled with a mixture of excitement, fear, anxiety and that feeling i got just before starting University. I'm not entirely sure how I'll get to sleep tonight; that Christmas Eve feeling is probably the best way to describe it. If all else fails, a good stiff glass of Scotland's finest export should do the trick..